LET’S HAVE A SHOW OF HANDS.
With the accelerated pace of our daily lives, we often forget some of the simplest pleasures – home cooking, a freshly made bed, a good bad joke, the Sunday Times and cashmere, to name a few. In days rife with text messages, headsets and hand sanitizer, it’s important to slow down and truly connect. Recently we’ve rediscovered the oh-so-subversive delight of holding hands. (Edgy, we know.) Here’s a reintroduction to the art for those of us who occasionally mistake our iPhones for lovers.
The Weave - An embellishment on The Classic, The Weave demonstrates elevated intimacy, and hints at manual dexterity that might come in handy in other ways. Avoid combining with sunsets and/or seashores if allergic to cliche'.
The Recumbent - Suitable for use on any horizontal surface of sufficient size. Goes great with sunshine and grass and an occasional cumulus. May cause prolonged napping.
The Pinky Linky - An advanced technique, great for nauseating friends, family and innocent bystanders. Not to be confused with "Hanky-Panky" or "Spanky-Spanky," which are also advanced techniques. Combine with skipping only in the absence of clothing.
The Peacekeeper - Take the power struggle anywhere with this favorite of high-achieving couples. The Peacekeeper is an effective alternative to Roshambo for mission-critical decisions including who gets to choose the movie, who gets to do the dishes, and who gets to be on top.
The Handsie - More of a communication lifeline than a gesture of affection, this is an important technique to master in the formative "meet the parents" stage of a relationship. Tap once for "yes," twice for "no," and squeeze as hard as possible for "if you say what I think you're going to say,"I'll never do that thing that you like so much ever again. Capiche?" Note that while Footsie is sexier, Handsie is less likely to lead to inadvertent swinging.
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